i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
