This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
