I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
