Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
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