My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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