She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
