I feel like I'm in dance class right now
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
