I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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