11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Is Oprah even human
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