Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
