just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
