I just pynch a tree in the face
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
3 2 1 whiskey
don't judge my taste in strippers
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
