Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
