im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
