I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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