On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
