Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
