Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
