dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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