Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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