paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
