Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
