I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
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