she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
There r osticjed everywhere
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
