They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Randomize
