I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
