I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
