it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
