dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
