I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
