I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
