that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
