whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Also, beer. Big fan.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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