It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
