Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Randomize
