have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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