Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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