Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
