in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
