I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Your cock deserves a montage
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
