thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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