the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
