nut hugger
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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