Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
