what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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