i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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