So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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