Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
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