He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
