Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm passing your future prison.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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