so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
