umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
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