Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
