I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
